Sistaz and Suitors is dedicated to questions on relationships, courtship and dating. We will be happy to answer all your questions or hear your comments.
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
If you have been hurt by someone you have loved badly, would it help you heal if you blank them or the person? After all, the person was drawing you away from God and you finally broke away, should you blank or restore a friendship with that kind of a person?
I would like to assure you that you did the right thing by breaking away. Like you rightly said, the person was “drawing you away from God and you finally broke away.” Now the Bible says if your right hand causes you to sin you should cut it off (Matthew 5:30). Of course that scripture is not talking about physically cutting off your right hand but it is apt in a case like this. I would also like to draw on the law of international relations which Pastor Charles often uses, it says, there are “no permanent friends, no permanent enemies but permanent interest.” So once your interest is in doubt as in this case, then withdrawal is the wise thing to do.
The truth is that “blanking” the person like you said is not the solution, rather surrendering the hurt to the Healer, your Father, the one who mends the broken hearted is the way out.
You must know that it is not every Christian relationship that would end up in marriage. Many times, if you don’t handle broken relationship well, by feeling “used and dumped,” it might give room for bitterness and un-forgiveness to come in and take root, which is what I am sensing in your case. That could act as a veil to God’s purpose for your life. This should not be so because bitterness and un-forgiveness are like cancer that eats you up fast until it kills you. The Word of God declares that,
Psalms 147:3 (NKJ)
1 Peter 5:7 (NKJ)
Hebrews 4:16 (KJV)
This is the Good News! At times like this, the grace of God is available for you. All you have to do is go to the throne of grace to obtain the Grace and the Mercy you need to help at this time of need.
No matter what, don’t let your feelings pressure you into malice with the man, forgive him knowing that your life is not dependent on any man and move on trusting that God will send you your man.
Thanks to Pastors for bringing this gathering. God bless u. Is it good for one to still continue with a relationship dat have been with disappointment as in calling the woman’s family to wait that they are coming to do the traditions & they did not come for three (3) times. Secondary If the man’s family love & cherish the woman at first time & later, they change & begin to have some hatred on the woman. Why is it so & what is the curse? Is it good for the woman to face only the man that is married her & forget the man’s family after many challenges.
You will be in a better position to know the reasons why he continuously disappointed you and your family. On the whole, I know that a man who cannot respect your time or your family does not respect you. He is probably acting out the dictates of his own family and that shows that he does not have a mind of his own. I would like to also point out that this attitude might show up in a lot of other areas should you continue with him and by that time, it would already be late.
You must also know that you cannot “face only the man” necessarily neither can you marry anyone without the approval of their family except under special circumstances where you are operating in the counsel and the directives of your Pastor and so of God.
Before deciding to go through it all with the man alone, you have to be sure “He has your back covered” so you don’t live in regret afterwards.
pls how long is a suitor permited to woo a lady before another suitor can be granted access to the same lady assuming she rejects the first suitor’s proposal?
Such issues are treated on a case-by-case basis, as boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are not allowed. The basic thing is that before any suitor in The Carpenter’s Church proposes to a lady, the Pastors must be in the know. So if they give their go ahead to the suitor at any point, then it is considered legitimate.
Please can you give us scriptural examples of couples and how they helped each other to fulfill their purpose and destiny?
Let me start by saying that there is no need to search the Bible for examples of couples who helped each other fulfill their destinies because from the beginning the Bible refers to the wife as a “help meet” for the man. The wife is meant to submit to the husband while he is to love her as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. If you submit to your husband and he loves you as Christ loved the Church as God intended it to be, then there would not be any issues about helping one another fulfill their God-given purpose and destiny as long as they are “God-given.”
In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, the Bible says, “Two are better than one” and goes on to liken the marriage union to a “threefold cord” which cannot be easily broken. You must realize that marriage does not exonerate you from your purpose in life, rather your coming together is meant to help you achieve your individual as well as collective goals more efficiently instead of truncating them.
good work pastors u av been a blessing to our lives
Please My Pastors, I have been in a relationship with a sister that is not resident in Port harcourt but in Lagos and she works there and runs her Masters programme there which involves her saturdays.
We have both agreed to get married and has made our parents know about our marriage plans.
Please, how do we go about the marraige serminar/classes considering the fact that she resides in lagos, more so we have by God`s grace agreed and are working on having our traditional marrige this April,2011.
Thank you sir,
Best regards
Raphael
You must make appointment and talk with the Pastors immediately to get this sorted out because you do not sound as if they are aware of your relationship in the first place. If they did, this would not have been the forum for you to air this concern. It would have been handled when you came to clock in the relationship. I would however like to say that long distance relationships are usually not without undue pressures on those involved and on the relationship in the long run. Please see the Pastors.
My question goes like this.. Can one have a sister friend in church or outside with out any strings attached sincerely??? Thanks
NO. A relationship between two single Christians of opposite sex that is purely platonic is very difficult to manage. Many times unsolicited strings develop along the line and may lead into unplanned emotional involvement and diverse levels of misunderstanding, hurt and pain between the two individuals and even the onlooker.
Paul says, he can eat meat sacrificed to idols but if it will cause a brother who is weak to fall then he will abstain so that the death of Christ will not be in vain. (1Corinthians 8:9-13).
Can I marry someone that always asks me for financial help, but he doesn’t assist me in anyway.
this forum is very encouraging.my friend a believer proposed to me august and l said yes september(his birthday)we agreed to get married after 3months in court but l also want to go through d marriage counselling even if we are not having a white wedding but he just wants a church blessing.his excuse is we’ll not have time because of our jobs.l work in Bonny island monday to saturday and he works in P.H monday to sunday.how can we go through with d counselling?
Assuming you are a member of TCC, the next step will be for you to create time to come into the Church office to see an Assistant Pastor to discuss your marriage and how we can help you as a church. Thank you.
Sistaz and Suitors Q&A Blog has just taught me the real way of life to live on. I thank God for giving my beloved pastors this vision.