Sistaz and Suitors is dedicated to questions on relationships, courtship and dating. We will be happy to answer all your questions or hear your comments.
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
If a 23yrs old girl loves a 35yrs old guy and the 35yrs man also loves her very much, and seeing that the girl has a mature mind and attitude, can’t they get married?
The issue of age in marriage is one that comes up regularly. Basically there are no hard and fast rules. However, there are some cases which require careful consideration: when the lady is older than the man; and where the lady is much younger than the man like in your question where the man is 12 years older than the lady. These issues are personal. There are men who would not want to marry someone older than them; while there are ladies who would not want to marry someone who they are much younger than. All these are personal and the reasons in most cases are individual and should be treated as such. There is no Biblical doctrine on this issue and as such a Scriptural position cannot be taken. What should be kept in mind is that the relationship between the man and the lady be free from hindering factors. The issue of age difference could be one of those things, for instance, if the man sees the lady as his kid or baby sister, or if the lady sees the man as her big brother. If they can treat one another as equals in a relationship and can understand, accommodate and handle the differences that are bound to exist due to the age gap between them, then they can get married.
Question 14 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
When do one know when God is speaking, when a man has proposed to you, having prayed for a month and not getting an answer from God.
God is a speaking God. It doesn't take God that long to answer! God speaks but you must hear, and recognize His voice. For you to hear God, you must be tuned to God's frequency. You must look for your answer on the frequency God is transmitting His answer to you. As long as your heart is yielded to God, you'll perceive God's leading and His voice. God's leading is rarely spectacular. Therefore, if you expect God to speak into your ears in a loud and booming sound, you stand the risk of being misled. God's voice is best heard when the heart is hushed, when the clanging and cluttering sounds that dull or make God's voice altogether unheard is stilled. It is in quietness that you can hear God. When you get your heart still before, you will know what He has made known unto you [Psalm 46:10].
Question 13 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
How do you see revealing my past life to my fiancée before wedding?
It is important that a fiancée (or fiancé) be aware of their partner's past life before they get married, especially if the past life was fraught with unwholesome events. This is often the problem with many believers because they have been taught that they are new creations in Christ, and rightly so [2 Corinthians 5:17]. The reality of the new creation should be a reality to everyone who is a new creation in Christ Jesus. Howbeit, when you go into a relationship, it is not only you and it is not only about you. If your life before you became a believer, or even after you became a believer was filled with wanton activities, then you owe it to your partner to let them know. Then let it be their call to say that they will stay with you because of the revelation they have. But they have to be given that option. That does not remove anything from the fact that you are a new creation. If you cannot open up and tell your fiancé/fiancée of the things you were involved in, then you are operating in fear. There is no fear in love [1 John 4:18].
Question 12 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
I am a lady of about 25 years. Nobody has approached me for marriage. Did God create anybody to be a celibate?
Celibacy is an unmarried state, or a single life. There are those who have chosen to remain unmarried especially for the cause of the gospel. If you have chosen the way of celibacy upon you, you'd know it and you would not desire marriage. So if you have a desire to get married, then you are not a celibate! You shouldn't be worried or afraid that at your age no one has approached you for marriage. What you should be interested in is getting married to the right person. It is actually one person – the right person you need to approach you for marriage. There is no reward for being approached by many men, and not get married to the right one. The fact that many men approach a lady does not mean that she'll marry one of them because they may not be the right one for her.
It is important that you get in faith on this matter. Believe God that the right man will find you, and you will have the discernment to recognize him and accept him. Pray in faith and rest on the fact that God will order the steps of the right one to you. When you pray in faith, God promises that His peace will come in and keep your heart and mind [Philippians 4:6-7]. That means that the matter is settled. That means that there is no need to worry or to fret.
Question 11 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
It amaze me when we say only brother does the approach and the sister remains idle. I have seeing series 7 occasions where sister initiate the relationship and the marriages is done with several children.
Question: is this bad? Why only brother should be encouraged for the approach?
Note: consider this generation spirit. Also, Africa point of view.
The responsibility of initiation and aggression in the relationship between a man and a woman is saddled upon the man. It is the man who decides to leave father and mother in order to be with a woman [Genesis 2:24]. It is also a man who finds a wife [Proverbs 18:22]. The Bible is replete with examples in this regard. It is an aberration of the divine order for a woman to take the bull by the horns and go after a man. It is not even lady-like. It is totally tasteless and altogether graceless. This may not sound contemporary, but it is Christian. Many ladies fail to see that even naturally, God has placed a lot of honour upon them. God states that a man should honour His wife [1 Peter 3:7]. That honour begins when a man who has decided to leave father and mother motions towards a lady. It shows that she is wanted and admired. Hopefully, it will continue throughout their relationship.
In addition, a decent man won't like it if a woman initiates a relationship. Some men may take advantage of such advances by a lady towards them because they may interpret it as a sign of desperation on the part of the lady.
Your examples do not validate the impropriety of a woman initiating a relationship with a man. The fact that these couples are married with several children does not make their marriages successful! And the fact that the marriages are successful does not validate that the ladies were right in initiating the relationship. Their experiences do not nullify the Word of God that states that a man leaves father and mother to cleave to the woman. The end does not justify the means!
Question 10 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
In a situation whereby getting busy has caused a lot of problems in a marriage or a relationship (what can someone do to solve this?)
This Question is not clear. You may need to send it in again and be more specific. Thanks.
Question 9 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
I am a young lady. When I was young about 9 years old I used to have sex for fun with young boys without knowing it is evil. I never shed blood from my vaginal. As I grow up, I stopped it when I realized what I was doing is evil, am I still a virgin?
Speaking from a medical and physical standpoint, whether or not you are still a virgin will depend on the extent to which your body was developed and the extent to which you had this “fun sex” with young boys.
What is most important to God is that you are a new creation in Christ Jesus. If you are, then God has restored to you the spirit of your virginity – whether or not your hymen is intact. A true virgin is one who is pure in body and mind. Many who are physically virgins are not pure in mind because their minds have been exposed to all sorts of sexually illicit things. In Christ Jesus, the spirit of your virginity is most important to God. If body wise you are still a virgin that is good. But whether or not you are physically a virgin, the spirit of your virginity is available to you. That will make you pure in mind and ultimately in body. Endeavour to keep your mind pure and keep your body for your husband.
Question 8 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
Is it normal for a lady in courtship to see her ex-boy?
By “ex-boy,” you mean her former fiancé or boyfriend. As a general rule, it is not good for her to see him. Even if lady isn't in a new relationship at the moment, it is still not good. There is everything wrong with her seeing him. (The same applies to men.)
When a relationship comes to an end, the parties involved need to move on with their lives. In order to do this, they need to leave their unwanted past behind. Certainly, their relationship is part of their unwanted past because if they still wanted it, they would still be together. Certainly, there must have been something(s) that made their parting ways inevitable. In order to leave the past behind them, they should not see those they parted ways with, if not they will be bringing the past into the future and the backlashes could be grave.
In addition, every partner in a relationship needs to be confident and trust their other partner. When one partner sees someone else with whom they were formerly in a relationship, they may be sowing seeds of doubt, and uncertainty in the minds of their present partner about the genuineness of their love to their partner and their commitment to the relationship. It is not enough to say that there is nothing involved; the actions must line up with the words. Actions of this sort are traitors of trust. And trust is at the foundation of any relationship. Betray trust and you erode the foundation of the relationship.
Question 7 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
What can one do if a young handsome looking guy walk up to a young pretty girl but the guy in person has chronic mouth odor and body odor and he is seriously in love and getting ready to engage her (how can this be solved?)
It is a personal decision for the lady in question. Is she pleased to spend the rest of her life with a man with chronic mouth odour and body odour? A decent lady will be turned off by a man who carries any form of foul smell. For the man to have “chronic” mouth odour it may stand to reason that there is some medical or dental problem. For starters he may need to see a specialist in the field.
In most cases, body odour is the result of failure to bathe, or to bathe well. The basic cause of this can be tackled by bathing regularly and well. In addition, the use of a roll on and/or body spray will ensure that the man is not socially repulsive to others because of a foul smell being emitted from his body. If these fail, then the man must see a specialist in the field.
Problems relating to smells of any sort must be addressed headlong because they affect a person's self confidence, and if not successfully tackled could give the persons in questions inferiority complexes.
Question 6 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
Why is it that men today will like the woman to get pregnant for them before marrying her? (Note: not a member)
Men who like to do this are not believers, or if they are they are carnal with unrenewed minds. They are still thinking like natural men. They need to get born again and renew their minds to God's thoughts and ideas on marriage. God's idea of marriage is that for sex to take place, the man and woman have to be married. Doing otherwise is what the Bible describes as the bed being undefiled [Hebrews 13:4].