Sistaz and Suitors is dedicated to questions on relationships, courtship and dating. We will be happy to answer all your questions or hear your comments.
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
I think you are doing a fab job,thanks so much and God bless you all. My question is “Is it wise as a young xtian lady to consider getting into a marriage bound relationship with someone who is less spiritually mature (new to the faith) Every christian lady’s dream is a husband she can look up to or at least sideways at:) spiritually. Are new xtians a complete no -no? what do you think?
This is wonderful! l thank God for dropping the concept of the “sistaz and suitors” into the hearts of our pastors.As l read your responses to the questions raised, l can’t help but marvel at the profundity of wisdom, understanding,love, tact and firmness with which you handle the questions. l must confess, am proud to be associated and identified with TCC.
Am 32yrs old, and in a relationship with a girl who is 21 years old. I have known her for over a year but our relationship started about 2 months ago. She confessed to me recently that she has been in a relationship with an unbeliever and that they had fornicated severally. She promised to sever all ties with the guy. I still love her and want to help her walk in victory. What should I do about the relationship and how can I be of help to her?
It is commendable that she “confessed” to you. However, we hope that the basis for her making the promise to sever all ties with the unbeliever was borne out of a respect of God's Word and a commitment to obeying Him and not out of fear of losing her relationship with you, which would be totally wrong. It is also implied that this “relationship” with the unbeliever was recent or even ongoing at the time of your own relationship.
Her actions reveal her state of mind and her level in her Christian walk which is tantamount to that of a babe in Christ or carnal Christian. The help that babes in Christ or carnal Christians require is to be fed the sincere milk of God's Word whereby they need to grow and not a relationship for marriage for they are not equipped for it.
In this case, what you can do is “step aside” and tell her you need time to let her become grounded and rooted in her walk with God in Christ Jesus. In that time, you would also need to assess the future you both may have together as you still “love” her. We suggest severing ties with her for the next six months so she can focus on Jesus and grow her faith. You cannot become Jesus for her. She needs to locate a Bible Believing Church to begin to attend, where she can be fed God's undiluted Word necessary for her growth. If you are still interested in her after this period and she is still available then you can then institute another relationship with her.
I first want to thank God for the good thing he is doing through your church.i have a friend that just ask my hand in marriage. we have know eash other for a longtime.he is a born again now the issue of sex befor marriage have been ruled out. but lately i notice he has gone back to smoking that he use to do befor he became born again and he dosnt go to church as he use to.am confuse cos he use to be a vary strong beliver. i dont know if i should call off the relationship cos we have fix a date for d traditional marriage.please i need ur ugent reply.
You are not confused, you just need courage. Definitely you should at least postpone any commitments in form of a traditional or white or court wedding. You need to follow your heart and be sure of his basic commitment to Christ and walking with the Word or else you could be signing up for a nightmare of a life with him. Dates can be moved or cancelled completely. You should seek counsel from godly Pastors.
Hi
MY FRIEND JUST ASK ME TO MARRY HIM HE IS A MEMBER OF ANOTHER CHURCH. AND WE HAVE GONE TO SEE OUR FAMILIES.AND HAVE FIX A DATE FOR THE INTRODUTION.WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IF I SHOULD SEE THE PASTORS FIRST B4 THE INTRODUCTION OR AFTER THE INTRODUCTION AND IF WE CAN GO THROUGH CANCELING B4 THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE.PLS I NEED UR REPLY UGENTLY.TANX.
If you are a member of TCC, then kindly book an appointment to see any of the Assistant Pastors immediately so you can be well guided.
The Handbook available on this website at this link is quite clear on the procedures to follow so we can help you plan for this new phase of your life.
I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP NOW AND RECENTLY MY MUM HAD A DREAM. IN HER DREAM SHE SAW A GIRL AND THE GIRL TOLD HER SHE IS GETTING MARRIED TO THE GUY I AM DATING. IN MY DREAM MY MUM TOLD ME THE GIRL SAID SHE HAS BEEN DATING THE GUY SINCE…………I DON’T NO IF IT IS A SIGN TO LEAVE THE GUY
Dear Lee,
We would like to know if you have officially notified your Church about your relationship with the guy in question, as the Church would be in a better position to counsel you on how to freely run your relationship according to the precepts of God. Has the guy proposed marriage to you? (We would like to let you know that there are even some Christian relationships that don't end up in marriage). You must bear that in mind.
Now, can you testify that this guy is a born again Christian and in a Bible believing Church? Do you have the peace of God while in the relationship or is there an element of fear? Fear is the opposite of faith and it torments. If there is fear in any guise, then you must be ready to do away with fear by first of all acting in faith upon God's Word.
The next issue is, “Are you running this relationship according to the precepts of God?” If you are uncertain about the answers to any of these questions, then you must talk with your Pastor for further counsel. The Bible says,
Concerning the issue of your mothers dream, we want you to realise that the only power that any dream can have in your life is the power that you permit it to have. Having said that; we want you to know that as a child of God, the devil will always see you as a target. So he will device any means possible to distract you from God's dream and purpose for your life. This is not to say that God cannot talk to you through dreams. He even says you should dream your wildest dream but He is able to do far above what you can dream or imagine. Therefore, the determining factor in believing a dream is to weigh it by the Word of God. If that dream does not line up with the Word of God, it is not from God. Pray and cancel it and forget it, don't be troubled by it. Just speak and act God's promises for you — which are His dream for your life.
However, if your relationship is not conforming to the Word of God as discussed above, then your mother's dream may truly be a sign that you need to walk away from that relationship while you still can.
hey! thanks for the knowledge that is has been made available through this forum.. my question is that since i left Port Harcourt for my youth service in Lagos, i have not found any church that teaches the word as the carpenters church. I have been moving around and am tired of going from one church to another. Can u please help suggest possible churches i can attended here in Lagos? pleases note: i was yet to becoming a bonafide member of TCC before i left Port Harcourt. Thanks for your understanding.
Dear Benjamin,
Thanks for your question. Please send it as an email to info@thecarpenterschurch.org and we would be glad to send a reply to your email address with some church names and addresses. Also mention which part of Lagos you live in.
Thanks.
if God allows us to choose whom to marry, is it okay for one to get marry to a church goer, even when you know that the person is not saved. i have been in a spot where it looks like only the unbelieving guys are around,what should one do when all the guys that actually shows interest are those who are not saved.
Is it wrong for a young guy of 24 to have a girlfriend not necessarily for sex but for companionship
Paul, the relationship of man and a lady is a delicate one and could be very fragile, if things are not handled properly. Emotions and feelings can easily develop, and with these come the desire to express such intimacy through physical affection and sex. It is for reasons like these that the relationship of a young man and a lady be defined.
Saying you want to have a relationship for companionship and not “necessarily for sex” is quite confusing and muddled up, not because one cannot have a relationship at this age just for companionship without a target for marriage in mind. You are 24, are you ready to be married in the near future?
God created one man to have companionship with one woman. That relationship we know to be marriage and it is out this companionship that pure sex comes (See Genesis 2:18-25). This explains why it is not strange for a man and woman who enjoy one another's company to desire to take it higher and deeper through sharing their bodies with one another. You may know of Christians who fell into sexual sin with a “friend” of the opposite sex and said they didn't plan to do it. They may not have deliberately planned it, but they gradually set up their feelings and emotions through companionship to the point that they allowed themselves to lose control and fell into sin. Because of this potential peril you should steer clear such undefined companionships with a lady. If you really love someone with the love of God, you will not set them up to be hurt; and when you have sex outside of marriage it comes with a lot of emotional hurt and regrets. And if you love yourself with the love of God you will not set yourself to be hurt this way.
The reason why a man should have a close relationship with a woman is for the purpose of marriage. That is there would have been a marriage proposal from the man to the lady and the lady would have accepted the proposal. When you are ready for marriage then you can work towards developing such a relationship with a lady, as God leads you. But until then, let your contacts with the opposite sex be without any commitments. You will certainly find some you would prefer to others, and some you may be attracted to, but attraction is not love. Learn to be a gentleman; be courteous and polite towards ladies. Also use the time to learn all you can about how to treat a lady. Then when you are certain you are ready to get married you will be properly equipped and will have the maturity to make the commitment. A relationship works because the people involved commit to it. Then it will be a serious relationship with marriage in view and not a “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship which has an air of unseriousness to it. Then you will court for a period of time, and that period of courtship will be companionship - getting to know each other better (not each other's bodies), till you are married and then you can have sex as part of the marriage relationship.
Please am asking this question:Is it rong for a 35yrs old man to get married to a 23yrs old woman? seeing that the 23yrs old woman has a very mature way of doing things and both of them love each other dearly.