Sistaz and Suitors is dedicated to questions on relationships, courtship and dating. We will be happy to answer all your questions or hear your comments.
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Must persons (believers) in courtship not exchange visits?
Of course believers in courtship can and should exchange visits. However, it is not advisable to stay late as the “way of truth can be evil spoken of” if you do so.
Also if during such visits, you are alone you should be real to leave the door open or go and sit outside if there is sexual tension rising in the atmosphere. If such situations reoccur then you can avoid visits and seek counsel especially if one person is placing sexual pressure on the other.
There are many “common places” – fast food restaurant, church, friends home etc you can go to and still privately interact with the one you are in courtship with.
Be careful though that visits are visits and not overnight stands as you should not even sleep under the “same roof” not just the “same room” – until you are married. You are not married until the day you are married.
What is the place of physical attraction in the choice of a life partner? Could God lead me to someone I am not attracted to physically?
Daniel, in response to your question about the place of physical attraction in the choice of a life partner, we would like to say that sex was ordained by God to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage.
It becomes therefore imperative that if you must enjoy sex in marriage then you should be sexually attracted to the person you wish to be married to. HOWEVER THAT SEXUAL ATTRACTION IS NOT EXPERIMENTED WITH UNTIL MARRIAGE. IT IS KEPT UNDER LOCK AND KEY UNTIL THE COUPLE IS MARRIED. We would recommend that you watch for the new series on Freshdew (www.freshdew.tv) titled “Love and Marriage” which should be starting in a couple of weeks.
The Bible also says the steps of the righteous, are ordered by God (Psalm 37:23). This means that if you let Him, God will not lead you into anything but His will for you. However, God may not categorically always specify a specific bride for you but will guide you into that decision based on certain standards and precepts in the Word of God. It is ultimately a man who finds his wife with as much help from God as he is willing to receive.
Is it proper to date someone before proposing or accepting a marriage proposal. Is it possible for me to fall in love and approach a sister who I have been observing and admiring in The Carpenter’s Church without first having a “formal relationship” with her e.g. getting to know her name, where she comes from, her family, what she likes and hates, just to see if we can be compatible. I am quite sure such a sister will not just accept such a proposal coming from a total “stranger” even if the brother says he’s a member of the church.
The book of 1 Cor 7:10-11 says that “The married should not depart from his/her spouse and if he/she departs, must remain unmarried”. Does that mean that if I find my wife to be unfaithful (catch her red-handed) or she becomes unbearable to live with and I divorce her, can I re-marry another or is death the only reason I have to re-marry?
In reply to the issue of divorce you wrote about, I would like for you to know that the issue of divorce in the Church of Jesus Christ is something that should be handled on a case by case basis, because no two marriages are the same. Realise divorce is not the best option at all in resolving marital disputes irrespective of what the source of the dispute may be; but it is not the “unpardonable sin” either.
On the issue of dating, let me begin by defining dating: “to make an appointment with and go out with a member of the opposite sex especially frequently and regularly”. As a Christian you need to be very particular about how “frequently and regularly” you make such appointments; for what you should truly depend upon is the leading on your inside since we live by faith and not by sight. Wanting to know a person before making a decision to propose is justifiable but it is advisable to use means of group association such as group dating, Church departmental meetings etc to pursue this goal. In conclusion, you need to realise that a relationship between two single Christians of opposite sex that is not purely platonic (and even this is often difficult to sustain) should have a destination of marriage clearly defined. If this is not defined, both could be running with different destination in mind and could either run into sin, into trouble or run into a lot of hurt and pain.
a none member of the church to propose, do i prospose before informing pastor or pastor before proposing ?
For the answer to this question, please check the TCC handbook at this link where you will find all the information you need. Also bearing in mind what your own church teaches and practices concerning relationships. Thank you.
I have a friend who studies abroad, I want to get married to her in one of her holidays here in Nigeria then she goes back to finish the studies. How do I go about marriage counseling in the case?
Dear Mr. Anonymous,
your desire to get marriage counsel before getting into a marriage relationship is the right thing. We recommend that you talk with your pastor and get directions on how your local church does that. If you are a member of The Carpenter's Church, we recommend that you schedule an appointment to speak with any of the Pastors and you will be guided accordingly. We cannot give you a detailed guidance here because different local churches have different guidelines concerning the conduct of relationships.
I really want to appreciate God upon your life and ministry. I am born again, I am 32yrs, I lost my relationship 2yrs ago and since then no man has asked my hand in marriage, intact no man comes around to even talk about relationship with me, if a man comes into my life all he will demand for, is for us to be just friends. I have prayed n fasted, I’ve done series of deliverance in Mfm for God to intervene in my life and for the right man to locate me but can still figure out what’s wrong with me. Sir pls I want you to prayerfully and sincerely answer me because am confused and devastated. Thank you sir.
Thank you Peremoboere for sending in your question and expressing your sincere concerns. Let us start by saying losing a relationship is not the end of life, sometimes rocking the boat early before marriage may be a life saver from some relationships that could later become abusive after marriage.
You have also mentioned some steps you have taken like going for “deliverance” from whatsoever has been preventing you from getting married. We must say that you have been working too hard to change your condition but remember that you are a child of God and you have the blessing upon you by the reason of the covenant you entered into with God when you got saved. For this reason, all the blessing comes purely by the grace and favour of God and not by your works and efforts as it were. When you got born again, every negative influence from your ancestry was broken and you have been connected to a new source of life which is in Christ Jesus.
Going for one deliverance or the other is not the solution to this present situation. It is the Word of God, the truth, that sets a man free (John 8:32). We will like to encourage you to take out time to study and meditate on the Word of God and as you continue to renew your mind according to Romans 12:1—2, you will realise that we do not get desperate as children of God and begin to conform our lives to the things of this world like the unbelievers. The unbeliever runs helter–skelter for help because he has no hope and faith in God but our trust is in God and we know that He will always take care of his own.
Let's get something straight. As a Christian lady, you should not allow yourself to get to the point of desperation for the following reasons:
We sincerely hope that you will not reduce yourself to levels like the ones described above. If you have at any time let things degenerate to any of the levels described above, go to God in prayer, repent and move on with your life. We recommend that you spend time meditating on the epistles of Paul in the New Testament, paying special attention to who God says you are in His Word.
Pere, you are not too old to get married. We have seen Christian ladies far older than you get married to men who love them dearly without compromising or settling for less. You may also want to look inwards to check your attitude towards people. Are you bitter and angry at the failure of your past relationship? Is that affecting your ability to trust and accommodate any other brother that has tried to come close? Have you forgiven and gotten over your past hurt and disappointments? You need to check this out because that kind of attitude if left unchecked can result in your becoming harsh and unkind towards people.
Many marriage relationships start as a friendship, a brother that is just a friend today can be a husband tomorrow. The balance to all these is to develop yourself to hear from God and He will surely direct your path. The right man is around the corner and the right spirit and attitude and the right declarations will bring him forth. You shall have what you say so quit making the wrong confessions about men running away from you; rather confess that the right brother will locate you and very soon you shall have a cause to testify of the goodness of God.
I’m blessed by this candid advice. Thanks so very much panel (men of God). God will continue to uphold this ministry and it shall be a blessing to many souls. GOD BLESS YOU IN JESUS NAME.
I want to say a very big THANK YOU to Pastor Tayo for yesterday’s teaching. It was quite interactive as always. And to you Pastor Dupe, for taking out the time to explain 1Cor 7:36 in depth to me. A lot of people have and are going astray because of their twisted understanding of this scripture. THANK YOU Pastor.
When does the meeting hold and where? If I want to attend from Lagos how can I locate you?
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