Sistaz and Suitors is dedicated to questions on relationships, courtship and dating. We will be happy to answer all your questions or hear your comments.
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
A guy played American lottery for a girl and she won, he processed her paper and she left but came back after 2 years to marry him and went back to USA. After another 2 years, the lady said she is not coming back to Nigeria again and the guy said he is not going to America. Both of them have agreed to divorce as the marriage is not working. My question is: Is it ok for them to divorce? and can they re-marry to other persons after their divorce?
Divorce cases are best treated on case by case basis. We would prefer to deal with such situations when we have full disclosure. Thank you.
Dear Panel, Please respond to the below question, i have gone through the TCC handbook and the question is not answered satisfactorily. Please i need your input on this. Thanks.
If one is dating a christian sister from another church. and they intend to get married in that other church, where would they be counseled? and if courtship period is 3 months in that other church while in TCC its 6 months, how many months will they court before getting married?
Thank you for the observation. We will go through the Handbook and ensure that it is clarified.
In response to your question, TCC expects that as long as one of the couple (brother or sister) is a member of TCC, the courtship should be a minimum of six months whether the wedding is in TCC or not. The couple should follow the right steps to inform the church immediately - if in further doubt, there is always a Pastor available to help.
Question 6 from Audience to The Panel on Sistaz And Suitors – 27/09/09
I have witnessed several cases of marital problems where sex was the major cause. I want to ask: are there ways these sex related problems can be identified and addressed during courtship? In a case where both parties are not virgins, are they free to discuss their sexual experiences and fantasies?
The answer to your first question is that during courtship, we, TCC, strongly advice as a matter of policy that intending couples go through the premarital classes where they get to learn fundamental scriptural principles on how to have a long, lasting and enjoyable marriage. And one of the lessons taught focuses on “Romance and Sex” which is indeed one of the fulcrums upon which marriage is set. In this lesson, they
are taught about sex from the Word and given good Christian literature on this subject and they are mandated to read them. If there are any issues, questions or comments that arise, they are addressed for the benefit of the intending couples.
For the second question, I would like for you to know that you have the liberty to discuss anything with your spouse as long as it is godly communication. The Scripture tells us that the first couple were naked and not ashamed. You should be sensitive to one another's feelings, discerning whether or not it is something your spouse is relatively
comfortable (though not from negative perspective e.g. fear, shyness etc) talking about. If the sexual experiences and fantasies you are referring to are those rooted in ungodly relationships (which is, mostly the case) you need to first renew your mind with God's Word and believe for sexual experiences and fantasies pleasing in God's sight (Heb 5:14). Don't drag your spouse down memory lane of the ugly sexual
acts you got involved in or watched in pornography and now desire to reproduce in your godly marriage. It is healthier to mutually develop sexual adventures with one another that will be pleasing to both of you
and to God.
Question 5 from Audience to The Panel on Sistaz And Suitors – 27/09/09
I am believing God for a husband but my mother wants me to marry from our tribe (Ikwerre). My elder sister has done their will and got married to an Ikwerre man. The man asking for my hand in marriage is from Delta and my mother rejected him. What do I do?N/B-He is a
believer. Is my mother the barrier or am I the barrier?
God is the One you should believe for anything, including a spouse and nobody else. His fundamental standard for whom you could marry is that the person should be a born again Believer (2Cor 6:14). However, since every believer cannot be your spouse, you (not anyone else), as a child of God, have the God given permission to put in a request to Him about your preferences (e.g. maturity - spiritual or natural, tribe, height, complexion etc.) of the kind of spouse you would like to be married to. These preferences should not be cast in stone or steel or become a “do-or-die affair“ because they could become limitations or barriers to your having God's best for you. Always remember that God, your Father, is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all you could ever think or request from Him. Your mother is walking according to her natural
understanding and possibly her experiences - you should walk in the spirit and by faith and do what you discern the will of God to be.
Whether you marry an Ikwerre man or a Delta man remember that your
mother will not live with you and one of your best guarantees for success in marriage is not where he is from but how much your
spouse-to-be loves God, loves the Word and loves you.
Question 4 from Audience to The Panel on Sistaz And Suitors – 27/09/09Can two believers who have AS & AS as genotypes stand in faith and get married against what family members think about it?
The main issue to examine here is what the two believers believe (and have believed up until that time) concerning divine healing and health. The medical fact which the intending couple should not be oblivious of is that they could have children who are AA, AS or SS. Having children who are SS could be a real serious concern because of the medical implications of such a child. It is advisable that the couple is sincere and find out what each other really believes. They should not be “blinded” by love. Many a couple in this kind of situation forges headlong claiming to be in faith. The events that play out if such a couple have an SS child many times show that the couple was never in faith to begin with - because REAL FAITH ALWAYS WORKS. What many people tag as faith is nothing short of wishful thinking or denial. Faith is not wishful thinking; neither is it denial. Faith is founded on the knowledge of God, of what God has done in Christ. The couple in this case has to be unequivocally certain that it is God's will that they be healthy in their bodies and also raise healthy children. Both of them have to be in agreement, as the reservation of either of them will not make it work.
Sometimes family members are expressing genuine concerns based on what
they have seen happen. The pain of giving birth to a child who could be snatched away by the hands of death may be unbearable. It is for reasons of this nature that parents and family members sound a note of caution or disagree totally. If a couple wants to go ahead in spite of these cogent concerns expressed by their parents and family members, then the only alternative they have is to believe God's Word of promise
concerning them. Both of them should be in faith. That is only the way out. Anything short of that may be a dangerous gamble.
Question 3 from Audience to The Panel on Sistaz And Suitors – 27/09/09
While treating the topic of worship and praise, I was made to understand that while worshiping I can prostrate in honor to God, but in some traditions as a male, you need to prostrate for the girl’s parents. Is it right?
There is nothing wrong with it. There are some traditions that require
that you do some form of obeisance some of them require that you bow
and prostrate. What is important is the spirit and attitude with which
it is done. You are not prostrating to girl’s parents as an act of
worship. You are not worshipping them. You are simply respecting them
in a language they understand and they require. That is not to say
however, that if you are required to carry out certain cultural
obligations or expectations that are adverse to the Word, you are meant
to do so.
Question 2 from Audience to The Panel on Sistaz And Suitors – 27/09/09This man told me he is born gain but has an addiction with cigarette
smoking. My question is this: is he really born again? Should I accept
him and help him quit smoking?
It is possible he is born again but has not been able to renew his mind
in the area of cigarette smoking. You know a man gets born again in his
spirit, but the change in his habits comes with a renewal of his mind-
as he takes in God’s word and puts them into practice- where those
habits are concerned. On whether you should accept him and help him
quit smoking, it's not your duty to help him quit smoking; it takes the
convicting power and work of the Holy Spirit to make him quit as he
sees the harm associated with such habit. However, you should share
your concerns where the smoking habit is concerned with him, and
probably give him sometime to see whether the fruits of repentance
would be evident. We often advise that you do not walk down the aisle
with someone who promises to change but does not do so. Anyone who is
truly yielded to the Word of God in any area will have results of
victory in their lives in that area.
Question 1 from Audience to The Panel on Sistaz And Suitors – 27/09/09
I am born again. My family and friends are on my neck to marry. I am waiting on God but the pressure from them is so much match making. But they feel that I am not serious. I want a man that fears God. What do I do? I was even brought here by family (which I am grateful for, on this occasion).
Let me begin by saying that you must ALWAYS recognize the fact that you are born again, a new creature in Christ Jesus (2 Cor 5:17) and that your husband-to-be MUST also profess to be born again with fruit
(character) to show for it. Getting married to a man who is not born again is not an optional thing for a Christian lady because there is really no fellowship between light and darkness (2 Corinth.6:14).
Secondly, the idea of your family and friends match making or telling you who to marry is totally wrong. They are your loved ones and they may give their opinion on a man they've seen approach or propose to you but that is where it should end. In the final analysis you are the one to make the choice based on your desires. When next the pressure comes again from them let them know your stand on marriage as a believer.
Also, be bold to tell them that when the right man comes for you, you will know and take the appropriate decision. Encourage them to convert their love for you into praying for you.
HEY Panel, I have a lady(born again) and we both love each other so much that i was ready to marry her but she said she can’t marry me until ma mum isn’t around(dead) before she can marry me. I asked her the reason why? and she said bcoz she does’t want to have a mother-in-law around. But we both love each other so much. WHAT DO I DO?
This is ridiculous! Don't go ahead with the lady. Saying that she can't marry you until your mother is dead is as good as telling you that she can't marry you. Does she expect you to kill your mother? Satan is the one who kills; she doesn't want to turn you into Satan does she?
As it is, your options are to wait for your mother to die before you marry her; or forget her and find someone else. You want to take the second option. It is the sensible and spiritual call to make.
Saying she doesn't want to have a mother in law doesn't hold water. In pure terms she is simply being selfish and afraid. If indeed she is a Christian why doesn't she ask God to help her be the person she ought to be and do what she ought to do all that lies within her power to live at peace with all men [Romans 12:18]? Even if your mother has proved to be a real difficult person and is even a witch - what matters the most is that both of you are able to address it and deal with it.
This lady's “love” for you is not Scripturally real, because love is not self seeking [1 Cor. 13:5] and there is no fear in love [1 John 4:18]. Whatever may have fed her with fears concerning in laws over the years is not from God. The real love of God which is to be at the foundation of every relationship is based on knowledge.
If one is dating a christian sister from another church. and they intend to get married in that other church, where would they be counselled? and if courtship period is 3 months in that other church while in TCC its 6 months, how many months will they court before getting married?
For the answer to this question, please check the TCC handbook at this link where you will find all the information you need. Thank you.