Sistaz and Suitors is dedicated to questions on relationships, courtship and dating. We will be happy to answer all your questions or hear your comments.
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Question 5 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
While courting must the man love the woman most or the woman has to love the man most. Is it right?
Both must love each other. By nature, the man is the aggressor; that is, the man starts the pursuit of love. And it is beautiful thing to behold when a man in love hotly hastens to the lady who has captured his heart. This is the way God designed it, because a lot depends upon the man. The lady is the responder. However, not every lady responds to the gestures and overtures of a man. And a man must have his eyes open to this fact in the pursuit of love. A man making advances to a lady for the purpose of marriage should pursue gently, steadily but also sensitively. It will be clear to him if the lady is not interested, and if he is certain that the lady is not responding, he should be a gentleman and go away. He should know that there will be someone else who will receive him and love him.
It should also be made clear that men and women love differently. But some things don't change: care, concern, affection are some things which are consistent with both. More importantly, the personal revelation of the God kind of love the individuals have will affect their relationship, and will help them give and receive love. In order to sustain any form of love, the God kind of love must be present. The one who has the greater revelation of divine love and walks in it will certainly manifest more love to their partner. As partners learn to walk in the God kind of love, they will outdo one another in love as they prefer one another in love.
Exposure to true love matters. We are all products of our environments and upbringing. This is either positively or negatively. A man or woman who has seen true love manifested before their eyes for instance in their parents, and has had a rub off of it on them, is more likely to love more than the one who hasn't seen a firsthand manifestation of true love with the opportunity of a rub off. The bottom line is that every man and woman owes it to themselves to learn to walk in love.
Question 4 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
Please what am I to do? I have a friend that wanted to marry me (Pastor) but I turned it down. Now he is married but the wife maltreats him (beats, don't fulfill her marital duties). He comes around I honestly encourage and pray for his marriage to work out. Now I want to start a business, we talked about it casually (me telling him my plans and how to go about it) he went looking for a shop and even paid for it.
The best you can do for him is to pray for him. Praying for him should not be in the form of praying with him when he comes around. He is married and he shouldn't come around you because now that his wife is refusing to fulfill her conjugal obligations, you don't want the enemy to use that need in his life as an open door to tempt both of you into sexual sin. It is obvious that this man and minister still has feelings for you. That is why he paid for the shop for you to carry out your business. However, that was not wise. On your own part, you may even have developed feelings for him now, but you must not feed those feelings. You must deprive them of the essential elements that are needed to cause them to grow because HE IS MARRIED. You must stop seeing him. If you really loved him when he asked you to marry him, then it stands to reason that you would have accepted his proposal. Maybe you didn't love him then; and if you did, the fact remains that you didn't marry him. He's the husband of another woman. Whatever feelings you have for him now may at best be pity. What he needs to now to receive sound counsel. He should speak to his senior ministers if he is a subordinate minister in a Church structure; but if he runs his own ministry, then there should be some other minister(s) he is accountable to. He should speak with him/them and seek counsel on how to move forward. But you should stop seeing him now.
Question 3 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
Is it proper for a man to marry a woman who does not take her personal hygiene seriously (brushing of mouth etc.)
Personal hygiene is so important for both men and women. Due to the peculiar nature of a woman's body, a woman who does not take personal hygiene seriously will drive away any decent man, as well as set a wrong example for her children when she has them. However, the issue of personal hygiene goes beyond marriage. A woman should not adhere to personal hygiene just because she wants to get married. She must adhere to it because it is good for her health, period. A man may be initially attracted to and develop interest in a woman who doesn't take personal hygiene seriously, because he can't notice that from a distance. But once he gets close to her, things of that nature will reek all over and shout loud and clear and a decent man will certainly be put off.
Now, whether a man should marry a woman should not marry a woman who does not take her personal hygiene seriously is something else; it is the decision of the man concerned. But one thing is for sure: it will initially put off any decent man. The man may decide to help her with it; but that would be his decision. There are some men who do not care and who may not spot it themselves maybe because they don't take personal hygiene seriously themselves. If such get married, then it is quite certain that their children will not be brought up to respect personal hygiene because their parents have no standards themselves. It is important that personal hygiene be adhered to.
Question 2 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
My question is about a man who is approaching between 40-45 and has not got a regular job asking a woman's hand in marriage.
It is important that before a man gets married he should have a job. God gave Adam a job before He gave him a wife. Having a regular job does not mean that he must be in another's employ. He may be gainfully employed by himself. But what is important is that he is doing something and receiving a steady income. He needs that income so that he can have something to take care of his wife and family.
Question 1 from Audience to The Panel at Sistaz And Suitors Meeting
I read a book recently on Grace To Marry and the author said for us to get married, we must give/sow seed and this seed must be sown into a ministry where the man of God is called into marriage ministry. How true is this?
It is not true! There is nothing like that. Such statements are ploys from charlatans to make money from desperate singles.
i have been in a relation with a guy for the past 4-5yrs,we met in school,then i was 24 and now going on 29.i have been a religious person and have been going from one prophet to another to know if he is the right man for me and they have all approve of our marriage but things seem not to be OK with him financially(he works) but i am doing very OK.( a plot of land,car and a good job)i have decided to settle down with this brother and support him very well. but the same prophets that told me 4yrs back to carry on with the relationship now prophesied that i should hold on,that there are witches in the guys family that are waiting to devour me. i am scared. can God allow witches to devour me. i pay my tithe,first fruit etc. i and the guy have been praying,we are both born again and have choose to be members of TCC,we are presently in believers class. his family and mine are aware of all these. pls. how do i remove the fear and move ahead. the prophecy have really confessed me . my parents dont believe the prophecies and his family dont either. but they are aware that there are witches in the family due to the confession of one of them. but are they for me a child of God? I love this guy.
There are several issues that your question(s) raise. You should seek counsel from your Pastors in TCC as a matter of urgency. But we will touch on a few of them here. The main issue here is that you have a very low appreciation of the place of God's Word and the Spirit of God hold in giving direction to your life. You have not given the Word and the Spirit of God their rightful places in your life as it relates to receiving direction from God. You have admitted that you have been very religious but there is a difference between being spiritual and religious. True spirituality comes from knowing the truth of God's Word as communicated by the Spirit of God. The revelation of truth in turn, develops discernment within you. He that is spiritual judges all things (1 Corinthians 2:15). Discernment causes you to question things you hear because not all that comes in the name and guise of “Thus saith the Lord,“ is from God. It is not everyone who claims to be a prophet of God that is a real prophet of God. There are many false prophets under the influence and inspiration of evil spirits who are going about in the world today, speaking lies, and in a lot of cases, their god is their belly.
Going into all the details of what these prophets have said to you is uncalled for because they are not the issues at stake here. You have inadvertently assigned your responsibility to hear and follow God as a person to these false prophets. The fact that they are directing and manipulating you proves that they are false because no true prophet of God leads any believer. That is the ministry of the Holy Spirit. No prophet assumes God's responsibility. God has promised that He will lead us individually and from within. Be careful that you don't give the responsibility of hearing and following God for yourself over to someone else in the name of a prophet. All these prophets you have been dealing with are false prophets. Forget everything they have said. Focus on the Scriptural guidelines of getting married as well as what the Spirit of God may minister to you individually. Also give heed to good counsel. Following the Spirit of God does not mean that you can't use good sense. There is a place for exhibiting good judgment in accordance to a sound mind.
Sincerely, you have a lot of growing up to do and you owe it yourself to get on with immediately. Having located TCC as a Church, you are in good hands. You are also encouraged to speak with the pastors about your relationship immediately so that you can be further guided.
Based on the audience you have given these false prophets, it stands to reason that you have become afraid. You have been fed with tormenting fear because you have listened to everyone but God. Now, you can be taught and be led of God, by His Word and Spirit, and the promise of God which says, you will be taught of God and great will be your peace can now be fulfilled in your life (Isaiah 54:13). Peace is the absence of fear. Fear is contingent on whom you have been listening to. Begin now to listen to the Word and the Spirit of God and see the peace of God that passes all understanding keep your soul and be the umpire and judge of all your decisions you are faced with - including this one.
The main issues to consider here are if you are both believers and love the Lord and yourselves. Do you agree on main issues that matter? These are the basic things to sincerely answer. Other issues of compatibility are individual in nature and should be treated by both of you. Now to the issue of the man's work: what is important is that the man is working and can provide for you at his standard. If you are aware of his financial level at the moment and you commit to go ahead and marry him, then you have acquiesced to live with the level of financial and material comfort he is able to provide for you now.
so it is mandatory that i inform pastor before asking a sister out.
Yes it is. If a brother is a member of TCC, he is meant to speak with the Pastors before proposing marriage to a sister, whether or not the sister is a member of TCC. If the sister is a member of TCC, she will be called and told that a brother (identity withheld) is interested in her. If she is not ready for a relationship, the brother will be told not to bother going ahead. If she is interested in a relationship, then the brother is given the go ahead to propose marriage to her.
The main purpose in this is so that things are done decently and in order and of the individuals to be properly counseled. This forestalls a situation where a brother is not yet ready for marriage going ahead to ask marriage of a lady, and it equally prevents a lady who is not yet ready for marriage from receiving a proposal from a brother.
We realize that policies on relationships may differ from Church to Church so those who are not members of TCC should follow their own Church's policy on the matter.
i am a guy of 27yrs old, i am attracted to women and also men, what do i do?
God did not make anyone to be bisexual. He made human beings male and female (Genesis 1:27). He did not make a human being male and female at the same time. God made human beings to be heterosexual, that is, He made man to be attracted to a woman, and a woman to be attracted to man. He didn't make human beings to be homosexual, that is, sexually attracted to the same sex. Neither did He make us to be attracted to both sexes that is, bisexual as you find yourself to be attracted to both sexes. The first thing to do is to identify that this feeling is abnormal.
Bisexuality is a lie of the Devil that says that there is nothing wrong in feeling sexual attraction and deriving sexual satisfaction from members of both sexes.
If indeed you are born again, and have confessed the Lordship of Christ, then in Christ Jesus you have been set free from the power of sin and Satan (Romans 6:14; Colossians 1:12-13). If you are not, then you must do that right away. Having done that you can exercise your authority in Christ and be free from this lie of the Devil, and renew your mind to the truth of God's Word. Use your mouth to declare that the Son has set you free from sin and Satan, and so you are free indeed, and that you yield your body unto God and your members as instruments of righteousness (John 8:36; Romans 6:13). If you want to have someone pray for you, that is okay. Then continually renew your mind to the truth of God's Word on this matter. The truth is that God made human beings male and female, with the capacity of giving and receiving sexual love and affection to a member of the opposite sex, who will be their spouse, and that within the walls of marriage, and not any other way (Genesis 1:27; 2:24-25; Hebrews 13:5). This means that sex even with a member of the opposite sex but who isn't your spouse is a sin and God does not allow it. That is fornication or adultery and it is as much a sin and despicable in the sight of God as homosexuality.
You must become accountable to someone, preferably your pastor who will continually help you and track your progress in this regard. Finally, stay away from people, places and things that will encourage you be involved with this.
A brother is asking for my hand in marriage and he is a christian but my mother is really against the relationship just because he is from another tribe.she claimed she had a dream where she was told where my husband came from in my tribe and that a man of God aiso told her that my husband will come from my tribe. pastor please what sholud l do
The main scriptural requisite for considering a marriage relationship with or accepting a marriage proposal from a member of the opposite sex is that the person be a believer, for light and darkness are incompatible and cannot cohabit. The choice of who a person marries is their call and decision. Therefore issues of tribe, background, education and age are to be dealt with individually. Therefore, your mother or any other person for that matter doesn't have the right to tell you who to marry or who not to marry.
If your parents disagree with a position you take (and they have a right to do that), it is proper that they note their concern, and solicit caution; but the decision ultimately rests with you. In this case your mother has done this, but her position unfortunately is unscriptural and therefore unfounded. It doesn't matter how sincere she is, she is sincerely wrong. God only insists that a believer chooses a spouse from the people of God. If you check the genealogy of Jesus, it may interest you to find out that two of the three women mentioned there – Rahab and Ruth, were not Jewish people, yet God counted them as fitting to be part of the line through which Christ His Son would come, because through faith they became righteous. Having become righteous, God saw it fitting that His only begotten Son would come through them. God is never against inter-tribal and interracial marriages; what has always been important to Him is that His people be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. This is why in the Old Testament, He instructed His people not to mingle with and marry the unbelievers and pagans, because they did not serve Him Jehovah, the only true God.
Now, there is nothing wrong as an individual having a personal leaning towards some particular tribe(s), but it shouldn't be from the point of tribal or racial superiority. There are good and bad things about every tribe. That is why we need to renew our minds to the Word. A believer should be able to adjust if another believer from another tribe comes their way. Therefore your mother's stance is unscriptural and in as much as you should love and respect her, you owe God's Word your first love and deepest respect.
It should be stressed that no dream or prophecy should be given first place above the Word of God on any issue, this issue inclusive. Therefore, your mother's dream corroborated by the prophecy from the “man of God” is to be judged. It may be a form of insecurity and manipulation to try to convince someone else through ministrations you receive. That in itself is a sign that the ministration did not come from God, because the wisdom that comes from above is easy to be entreated (James 3:17). Keep in mind that dreams and prophecies are to be judged (1 Thess. 5:20-21). Even prophecies of genuine prophets of God are to be judged (1 Cor. 14:29). The Word is the Judge. And the Word is clear on this issue.
God may choose to disclose certain details about the identity of your spouse to you including his tribe; but it is left to Him, and we don't ask for such, because we do not seek for signs. Whatever signs are given to us by Him come at His prerogative. However, the reason why God may tell you which tribe your spouse may come from is not because one tribe is better than another; it's just because, being all knowing He is giving you the details of the man who is coming your way in order to help you identify him. It is also left to Him to confirm it through whosoever He chooses, and in most cases if you have fellowship with God, when you hear it will sound strange to you.
It is also worth observation that nowhere in the Bible did anybody prophesy who a person's spouse will be. We should consider that as being most instructive. Important matters of life like marriage are very personal and more often than not, God will not bypass the individual involved and give details and specifics of their lives to other people. God rarely functions this way, and where God chooses in His sovereignty to do so, it is not for the purpose of someone directing another person's life. Every child of God is to be led individually and from within by the Word and the Spirit.
The choice is yours. Since the man is a Christian, you love him and are compatible, then you can stand your ground, but it should be done in love and respect. Trust God to lead you every step of the way.
I must start by commending the way questions are been answered. my question goes this way, I had dated this guy when I was not born again, and we separated after some time and now he is back proposing marriage, and he is now also a born again christian. what do you advice me to do.thanks and God bless you all for your wonderful work.
Thanks for your commendation.
Now, to your question. If you “dated” this guy when both of you were unbelievers, but now you are both believers and he is now asking your hand in marriage, then you may choose to consider him because both of you are new creations in Christ, and the past life both of you were involved in before you came to Christ is passed (2 Corinthians 5:17). That is the good news of being in Christ. A Christian is not allowed to consider marriage with an unbeliever; becoming joined together with an unbeliever is tantamount to an unequal yoke (2 Corinthians 6:14). Having said that, you should go into the relationship for the right reasons. People who have known each other before somehow feel a “bond” with their “ex” (as they are called). For instance, some Christian ladies feel they should get married to a guy they had a relationship with before, especially if they lost their virginity to him. That should not be the reason for going into marriage. But if he genuinely loves you and you genuinely love him, then you are free to accept his proposal. However, you must now know that you should conduct your relationship according to the truths of God's Word which you must now begin to renew your mind to, and not according to the standards of the world. Both of you should also be actively involved in your local assemblies and accountable to your pastors.