Sistaz and Suitors is dedicated to questions on relationships, courtship and dating. We will be happy to answer all your questions or hear your comments.
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
How long should a lady wait to find out if she can love a guy seeing that some ladies took up to 4-6 months to love their current husbands before they married?
More often than not, in a relationship, one person loves the other person before the other person knows or returns the love. This person is usually the man, because he is the one who aggresses towards a lady. The whole idea of a man wooing a lady is to make her know that he loves her, and to gradually bring her to the place where she shares the same thing about him. Some ladies respond to this faster than others. Some don’t respond at all, and there could be a host of reasons for this. For instance, the man may not be their “type.” If a lady meets a man she likes and admires, but the feeling of love is not immediately there, she may want to give him some time to see if her feelings will change, because feelings of love develop with time. The love of a man to a lady is aggressive, while that of the lady to a man is responsive. As long as the man persists in his pursuit of love, the feelings of genuine love may develop in the lady. In other words, the lady may come to respond to it. Ladies and men alike ought to realize that love is a decision founded on truth and not a fleeting feeling.
A man should continue in his pure pursuit of love to a lady till she either responds to him, or it becomes clear to him that she is not interested in him. Then the man should honourably leave her alone.
If a born again brother in the same church that knows and exhibits the 7 most important things that matter as just taught is interested in an equally born again sister who is older than him what do you advice.
It is up to him. These are personal calls. If a brother is interested in a lady, and finds out that she is older than him, he should ask himself if he is willing to marry her. Some men can handle this only if the age margin is not much, but when the age difference is much they may not be able to handle it. In matters of this nature, everyone needs to be fully persuaded in their own heart. A man should count the cost of marrying a lady who is older than him and consider the ramifications of his decision (Luke 14:28). If after due deliberation and considering the matter in his heart, he has no reservations about it, then he should be free to go ahead.
The same thing would apply to the lady also, if she is to marry a man who is younger than she is. She should be sure the man has no insecurities that border on age difference that may pose a threat to their relationship should they marry.
The val outting was so superb. I want to say well done to the organizers, I really had a nice time. But we should start early next time so as to close early.
Going through these questions just made me realize the depth of wisdom and insight God has blessed the panel with. Awesome work, keep it up!
Can a sister be recommended to a brother who’s still searching?
Certainly a godly sister may be recommended to a godly brother who is still searching. It is not out of place for a brother to approach those whom he considers could help him in his quest to find a partner by pointing him to the right direction. It is important that those who the brother asks for recommendations are people who know the brother and what he wants in a spouse. Their knowledge of the brother and what he’s looking for, in addition to their maturity will help them point the brother in the right direction by recommending a godly sister to him.
Is it advisable for a born again christain lady to accept a marriage proposal from a catholic?
Hello Sandra, a born again Christian should marry another born again Christian based on 2 Corinthians 6:14-16. The primary issue here is not his denomination or particular local church, but his convictions and relationship with God. Having said that, it is also very important that your spouse is in a sound Bible Believing church where the Word of God is being taught and lived, especially since in our society, the lady is more likely to join her husband to his church after their wedding.
Bear in mind that the church a person attends affects their beliefs because it is the place where they are fed with the things that make their belief system. It is quite sad to see people who are married with divergent beliefs. Remember, two can’t walk together except they are agreed (Amos 3:3). The issue of the church a prospective spouse attends shouldn’t be taken casually.
I have a pertinent question that only a worthy answer can provide solution to. I am in my thirties and on the verge of choosing a life partner (wife).
Please I need to be guarded on points to consider so I don’t make a regrettable mistake. Presently I have four close friends to choose from (3 working, 1 in her finals in the university). Please kindly use your office to advice. Thanks
Amaobi, answering your question with the detail you seem to require will take so long. You can read through this blog and you’ll find several answers to the issues you may be seeking answers to. What is more revealing from your question is that you seem to be afraid of making a regrettable mistake. Friend, marriage should not be approached carelessly, but neither should it be approached from the standpoint of fear. When you are afraid of making a mistake you will certainly make a mistake: either by rushing into making the wrong decision or you will be paralyzed into a state of inertia where you don’t move by faith in the right direction. Like Job, that which you “greatly fear” will come upon you (Job 3:25). If you are born again, then receiving guidance and direction from God are part of your covenant benefits and you should receive that by faith.
Also determine the unchangeable things that are important to you in a choice of a spouse. It is taken for granted that you know that as a believer you shouldn’t even contemplate marrying an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14). It is also important that the person believes like you do because you need to be in agreement on the issues that matter. Other factors are personal and you need to decide what is non-negotiable with you and what is not. You need to know what you desire because even though you can marry a believer, not every believer is suited to you. As you identify your desires, you will streamline your choice of a spouse. Most importantly, let the Spirit of God lead you.
Good day Pastor,
Thank you for this opportunity. God bless you for this and so many more seeds you’ve sown into my life. My question is this: How do you become intimate, (really affectionate) with your intended without committing sin? People usually say that I’m unemotional/unaffectionate. Really, it’s not that I am unemotional; it is just that I put up boundaries with guys so as not to fall into anything immoral or impure. Now I’m trying to be really affectionate in a way that my intended would not feel like he is just my friend but how do I know what to do and what not to do?
may God bless the carpenters church.
Dear pastor, thank you so much for your advice. My question goes like this: there is this brother in church, we attend the same family group and he always comes closer to me, visits me and takes me out but he doesn’t want to say anything. I also noticed that he is also doing the same thing to another sister in church but haven’t told her anything either, which happens to be my friend and she tells me everything he does which is similar to my own case, please what should we do and what is this guy up to please? Thank you.
China, though you can’t read a person’s mind, a lot can be inferred from their actions, like in this instance. What may be safely inferred from this brother’s actions is that he has some interest in you and/or your friend and he’s trying to make up his mind. The choice of a life partner is not one that should be approached with fear; it should still be approached thoughtfully with faith and brothers have to desist from “sampling”; it is not just decent. He should be expressing his “faith” in one place at a time.
A sister should think before she accepts a proposal from a brother; in the same way, a brother should consider things about the sister he’s interested in before he proposes to her. That would require him knowing things about the person he’s developing interest in. This is probably why he came close to you, visited you and has even taken you out on dates. However, the fact that a brother meets a sister, visits and takes her out on dates is no reason for him to marry her, (or for her to marry him) because along the line he may find things that may make him change his mind. You need to understand that these are all part of the process involved in him coming to make his decision to propose.
If in the process of getting to know a lady the brother thinks he doesn’t want to see her anymore, the proper thing expected of him is to do so with respect for the lady, telling her he’ll no longer be seeing her.
Because of the potential nature of the relationship between them, a brother should not take too much time in coming to this decision while he is still hanging out and around a sister. This is emotionally dangerous for them both, particularly with the lady. If a brother is hanging around a sister for an undefined period of time, the sister, in order to protect herself should ask the brother what he’s up to: what he wants from her. This will either make the brother declare his intentions or back off. This is what should be done in this situation.