Sistaz and Suitors is dedicated to questions on relationships, courtship and dating. We will be happy to answer all your questions or hear your comments.
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
Please submit a question or comment below. Thank you!
I want to appreciate you all for your good work in TCC. May the Lord God strengthen you guys from strength to strength to do His work in the right ways just as you have been doing. Amen. My question goes like this: I am a sister;I’m in love with a brother but I am not sure he loves me the way I do. I also can’t control myself to stop feeling the way I feel for him. I have never in my life felt this way and it worries my heart to feel for someone I think has just little of my time.
Dear Mercy, thank you for your question and your sincerity.
The Bible says in Proverbs 4:23 that we should guard our heart with all diligence. If you are in love with a brother and he is obviously not in love with you then you need to discard that feeling. Don’t trust that feeling because it is deceptive. You said that you can’t control the way you feel about him.That is not true, because God has given you the power to do so. What you need to note here is that love is not a feeling; it goes far beyond the way you feel. Maybe what you are experiencing is a crush on that brother.
Also be reminded that even if you love a brother, he should also be in love with you and should be the one to come after you and not the other way. First, ask yourself, what triggered the feeling in the first place. It started with a thought, and then you continued to meditate on it until it became a strong feeling. What you need to do is to let go of that thought by meditating on the Word of God that emphasizes your identity in Christ. You are accepted in the beloved, so man’s acceptance is secondary because the most important Being there is has accepted you and loves you. You also need to meditate on Scriptures that emphasize the love of God. In addition, be reassured that God has a special plan for your life and at the fullness of time the Mr. Right who will fall head over heels in love with you will show up.
Thanks for answering questions in the wisdom of God. A guy that I love very much told me recently that he loves me and wants to marry me. My challenge is that he has not showed his love towards me in anyway so I don’t know if he is telling me the truth, besides he said he is convinced about me. Please I need counsel even as I am praying about this. I am in my early 20s. Thanks.
Dear Okies,
Thank you for writing in. First of all, we would like to ask if you are ready for marriage and the commitments/ responsibilities that come with it. You have to sincerely answer that question. If your answer is a no, then there is no need to start a relationship when you are not yet ready. One of the parties will be abused. If your answer to that question is a yes, then consider the following:
I was surfing the internet when I found this wonderful site today. I want to thank all of you for this great job, really appreciate it. My question is: I am 25 years old and I have a friend who is 26 years old and seeking for a job. We really like each other and he is proposing to marry me. Can I accept a marriage proposal and be in courtship till he gets this job? I have never liked long courtship, but I like him very well. He is in fact my best friend. What should I do?
Dear Temi, thanks for your sincere question. It is not in contention that a man that wants to get married should have a source of livelihood that can cater for his family before he walks down the aisle, but it may not be morally wrong to court a young man that does not have a job yet, provided he is doing something that earns money for him. He may not have his dream job yet, but is he doing something at all? A man that is idle giving the excuse that he has not gotten a job yet is a lazy man. Beware! Love may not be enough in the long run. There is responsibility that comes with love.
You also truthfully mentioned that you don’t like long courtships. Are you willing to hang around a guy for years hoping he gets that dream job while in the process exposing yourselves to the temptations of a long courtship? It may be good to give yourselves some distance for now. When he gets a job that is when he should really be making advances of marriage towards you. Remember, God gave Adam a job before He brought Eve to Adam (Genesis 2:15-17).
Wow I am amazed, God bless u man of God. I’ll try n cut the long story short. I was once proposed to by a 32 year old man of God, and I’m 21. Honestly I was not comfortable with the age gap in between and had other various reasons why I wasn’t interested, and he started telling me that God showed him that I am his wife and if I don’t agree to marry
him, God will not be happy with him. It worried me a lot to think a man of God would say that, and because I am also still learning the things of God I began to think that would God really be mad at me if I didn't marry him? So what can you say about this man of God.
Beloved sister, run for your dear life. That man you just described is using the spirit of manipulation and control. That is not the Spirit of God. God does not force His will on us, even the offer of salvation as important as it is. When it comes to the choice of a life partner, you have to love the person you are getting married to and are attracted to him. God gave you your free will to make decisions based on His leading and your preferences.
Good day panel, please I want to know is it normal for intended couple who are already courting in church to face
financial challenge, unlike before the courtship started most especially the suitor, or is it that is not meant to
be? Because sometimes I do ask myself if I’m sure that it is God’s will. I know I’m not suppose to allow these
thoughts. Please help me.
Dear Clara, God’s will for us is prosperity and God delights in the prosperity of His children. Our father God does not communicate His will or thoughts to us through suffering, evil or hardship. The book of James 1:17 tells us that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of lights.This is the assurance we have from our Father God, that He will not try us with evil. Poverty and lack are evil and cannot come from God. Every human being faces challenges in life and it is the Devil that continuously fights our progress and prosperity. Knowing that God is on our side and applying the principles of God’s Word on prosperity will always guarantee victory. Your fiancé’s financial challenge should not be a fleece for you to know if you should get married to him or not. If you are already born again, God is your Father and if you ask him, He will direct you and let you know if the man is your husband or not.
Your fiancé’s present financial position should not be the criteria for your decision because a very wealthy man can propose to you and he may not still be your husband based on God’s purpose. I will encourage you both to apply the Word of God in the area of tithing and giving. That is a sure principle that can never fail and your quick way out of financial challenges and lack.
I have suitor, not a member of TCC. About two months before I got born again I lied to him that I was born again.
Before a friend invited me to TCC and God arrested me there. Now I am born again. Should I tell him that I lied to
him before?
Dear Biobele, the beautiful fact about your situation right now is that you are born again and you are not married yet. Marriage is a union that is based on integrity and not lies or deceit. If the man is truly born again, he will even be glad and excited that you are born again for real and possibly growing in your walk with God. Truth helps build trust. This counsel is based on the assumption that you have not lied to him about any other important issue. If you have told him other lies about your personal life and family, you might want to meet one of the pastors in TCC and seek for sound counsel on how best to set things right.
Thank you for the sound counsel you’ve been offering, more grace to you. I am a sister in my late twenties and I have recently been approached by a wonderful brother in church with whom I have been friends for a while now. He is enamored with me and has made known his desire to marry me. The issue now is I’m NOT attracted to him at all!
I mean I like him as a friend and he has most of the more important qualities I desire in a husband BUT I just
can’t contemplate a romantic involvement with him! To make it even tougher, I recently discovered that he’s at
least two years younger than I am or more, I am even embarrassed to ask him! I know I’ll eventually have to bring
up the age issue anyway. I might have to add that of all the brothers that have come to me for marriage, he has
the most spiritual depth which is paramount for me, and financial success as well and I am quite challenged as
he’s so young. So now am just wondering– am I just being carnal or am I being real to think that God will not
give me something I don’t like?
Jane, your concerns are legitimate and real too. Love is one of the most important reasons to marry someone. You don’t just marry someone because you are friends or the person is financially stable, rather you marry someone firstly, because you believe that he is a part of God’s plan and purpose for your life, and in addition because you love the person. It is not right to marry someone you are not attracted to because marriage is not a relationship to be tolerated, but one to be enjoyed. We will advise you to ask the young man in question to give you some time to think about his proposal and possibly be left alone for some time. This will help you gauge your heart and know if the attraction is developing. If it doesn’t develop within a reasonable time, you may have to decline the proposal gracefully.
Concerning the age difference, two years is a very slim age difference that should not be an issue for two mature adults but you should both discuss it. Can the man handle it without being threatened? Being older is not what makes the man the head of the family. He is the head because that is God’s order for the marriage union. Marriage is a union where both partners have “equality in worth, but hierarchy in function.”
A born again sister not committing fornication, is asked out by a guy. After sometime he starts asking for sex. The sister had made vow to GOD that she will not have sex till she is married. The guy kept on persisting and said they should just be friends. The girl said no that they should be in the relationship but they will not have sex. Then four months later he sent her this text: “Am tired of all this kids play we are doing, I want to make love with you tonight and settle my heart with you and also start planning the future of how we are going to make it, I don’t have time to play around anymore and I need to make a major decision now.” What should be the respond of the girl to the guy’s proposal?
The answer is straightforward. Praise God, the girl’s actions have been very right up until now, and she should maintain her ground. SEX IS ONLY FOR MARRIAGE (Hebrews 13:4). It is obvious that this guy doesn’t love and respect her; at best he’s looking for a play thing.
The vow this sister has made to God that she will not have sex till she is married, is what God expects of every single Christian lady, and is a commitment everyone should make. One wonders if indeed the man is born again at all; if indeed he is, then his mind has an urgent need for renewal by the truth of God’s Word that can set him free.
A man who demands for sex from a lady before marriage has a fundamental problem with sex, and if he doesn’t deal with it, when he marries, he is likely to commit adultery, because marriage in and of itself doesn’t solve sexual problems.
The lady should thank God for setting her free from such a relationship, and should tell the guy she maintains her ground that she will not have sex with him — or any other man for that matter before marriage. She should tell him she is not interested in him because he doesn’t respect God and His Word and therefore has no respect for her.
It sounds normal for a Sister to have more than one Suitor right?
I mean, sure more than one guy seeks her hand right; and they visit once in a while or meet up to have a chat?
This is my question: why is an “eye-brow raiser” (permit my lingua) when it’s a Suitor that’s having more than one sister showing interest. Sincerely with no hidden agenda, just same thing with the Sister & the Suitors… Now Suitor & sisters. Why is there a problem with that.
The problem with such visits is that the church is not run by the standard of the world. We are in this world but not of this world. We belong to the kingdom of God and must abide by the truths that govern the kingdom.
It’s disturbing when a Christian man doesn’t seem to recognize his limits and boundaries within decency/integrity in his relationship with the opposite sex. There is no room for boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in the church. A brother can get to meet and relate with several sisters in the Christian community, but it is dangerous for him to visit more than one of them at any given point in time with the intent of marriage.
However, a lady can receive more than one proposal because she is not the one who goes to “find”; she has to wait to be found (Proverbs 18:22). So it is not out of place that while she is getting to know a brother who has made a proposal to her, she may be approached by someone else. But once she has made a commitment to a brother, she can’t afford to be seeing another man.
Courtship is not the equivalent of dating as it obtains in the world. Courtship begins when a brother has proposed marriage to a sister and she has accepted his proposal. This is a step of faith by both involved and it is a commitment. During this time both are confirming that they are compatible for marriage. Therefore, courtship is usually considered much more serious than dating.
There is a saying that goes: “The more factors you throw into the pot, the more smashed up things are likely to be.” The more sisters a brother visits with a possibility of marriage in mind, the more confused he is likely to become. Once by faith a brother narrows down on the sister he chooses to marry, he will find out that he does not need to visit with a dozen others before he is convinced. If he bases that decision entirely on his physical selection ability, he may never settle down to any particular one, because he will keep adding more to the pool.
It must also be pointed out that courtship may not always end in marriage. If after full consideration and counsel, a courting couple discovers that they are not compatible, they may decide of their volition to separate or may be advised by the counselors on what further steps to take.
In the process of relating with sisters in any forum where he gets to meet them, a brother should be able to pinpoint the one he wants to get to know better. He may then pay such a person visits if he chooses to or he may take her out. All these are to help him decide if he wants to marry her. A caution here is that such visits or outings should not become drawn out. The brother ought to be decisive and if he wants to marry the sister he should take it to the next level with due regard to the practices of his church; if he doesn’t he should discontinue such visits and contacts so as not to send the wrong signal.
Good day Panel, I have taken interest in a sister to marry her. Each time I come across the thought i hear a voice in my head saying ‘She is not your wife’. How do I respond to this voice? Is there any scriptural reference to confirm that the voice is the Holy Spirit? Please help out.
There is no particular scriptural reference that anyone can give about knowing the voice of your Father as He speaks to you by the Holy Spirit. You get to know the Father’s voice as you fellowship with Him.
God speaks to His children in their spirits (Romans 8:16). In addition, there may be patterns through which God speaks to His children. If there is a pattern through which God has spoken to you in times past, it will be easy for you to know who spoke to you in this case.
The decision regarding whom to marry is yours to take. The Holy Spirit will always lead you in line with the standard of God’s Word. That standard is that someone you choose for marriage must be born again (2 Corinthians 6:16). If the lady in question meets that standard, and is compatible with you in other aspects that you consider to be important to you, then you should have no fear going ahead with the relationship. However, sometimes the person may be a believer and meets other requirements, but if in your heart you keep on hearing that they are not the one, or if you don’t have the witness of peace in you then don’t go ahead with it. In such situations, you need to walk by faith and follow the leading in your heart knowing that God knows better and He’s leading you aright.
As a child of God, it is necessary for you to cultivate a relationship with God that enables you to know His voice (Romans 8:14). The Spirit of GOD WILL NOT lead you into wrong decisions.